


rebel red carnation (grows while i decay)

by RemusWantsToBattle



Series: One Shots [9]
Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Attempted Murder, Bisexual Male Character, Blaming, Drowning, Gay Sex, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Repressed Memories, Sad Josh Dun, Sad Tyler Joseph, Snow, Songfic, Synesthesia, Trench Era, chlorine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-28 17:28:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16727796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RemusWantsToBattle/pseuds/RemusWantsToBattle
Summary: Tyler's nightmares have tasted like chlorine for a year now.This new guy's name tastes like chlorine too, but it's different. This time, Tyler likes it.Inspired by Chlorine by twenty one pilots.(affectionately nicknamed the chlorine fic)





	rebel red carnation (grows while i decay)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [stay in place (sing a chorus)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1822504) by [SoloChaos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoloChaos/pseuds/SoloChaos). 



> I like the Forest Fic, my favorite Twenty One Pilots song is Chlorine, and I really had ideas that just kept flowing.
> 
> Really the only things it has in common with the Forest Fic is Tyler has synesthesia and it's a songfic though, so hopefully it's original enough for you guys to like it!
> 
> And I just based his synesthesia on how I live with it, but I needed it to be a little bit more for the fic so he could really start gagging at tastes instead of it just being, oh yeah this tastes like that but not so strong I'd throw up.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Also to stay close to irl, me the narrator curses more than Tyler and Josh does. In fact, Josh doesn't curse at all. Which is close to irl as well.

Tyler Joseph hated swimming.

He couldn’t exactly remember why he hated it, but he did know that other people didn’t feel the same way as him. They didn’t feel suffocated, like the water was squeezing every last drop of their life out of their body. They didn’t feel like they were going to be sucked down and taken away forever. They didn’t understand.

His parents didn’t understand. They kept pushing, no matter what he said.

The teenager was being dragged to the pool of all places, the pool he had nightmares about, the pool he could smell… Every night in his dreams he could smell it.

He didn’t know where the associations had come from.

For as long as he could remember, all of his feelings and thoughts were colors, smells, tastes… So much more than just _feelings_.

Especially music. He had sang a song that tasted like milk and was such soft whites and yellows in front of his school once, before he had to be taken out because of a meltdown. Other children (even in high school, everyone was just a child) were bullying him, and he started working from home.

Sometimes, he couldn’t even remember the feeling, just the color or taste. Sometimes he couldn't quite place what the taste was but knew the feeling. He wondered how other people felt things.

He thought about the milk song in the car ride, to distract himself from the rising smell and taste of chlorine.

“... now we’re stressed out…”

“Mom, can Tyler be quiet, I’m trying to listen to the radio!”

The eight year old seated beside him, Jay, whined to their mother.

Tyler whimpered in the back of his throat, hands clenching a tiny bit as he looked out the window. He didn’t hear his mother speak, because Jay’s words were enough to shut him down.

Tyler didn’t have a swim suit on. His parents could drag him to the pool all they wanted, but it would be a cold day in Hell before Tyler ever got _into_ the pool.

They didn't try to force him. Thank god.

Tyler gagged when they stopped the car.

“Tyler, please.” Came his mother’s chastising tone. There was something else in her voice, something that tasted like lead, but he couldn't place it. All he knew was it tasted horrible, and he wanted her to stop talking. He gave whatever noise would shut her up.

Tyler hated this. He missed therapy, in all honesty. He hadn’t gone in what felt like forever, and group hadn’t been the same since…

Since what?

He couldn’t remember.

Tyler moved into the building- an indoor pool, so much _worse_. The smell was trapped in here, attacking Tyler’s senses and killing him inside.

Tyler moved into the corner of the room, pulling himself into a ball on one of the pool chairs. He didn’t speak when his mother tried to get his attention, or when his sister whined about him not playing with her.

He thanked Zack softly, however, when the other draped a towel over him so he could play with the edge of it and smell the last remnants of laundry detergent clinging to it. He lost track of time as he smelled the towel, eyes shut as he tried to remain… calm. He didn’t notice the person that had walked in front of him, but he glanced up a little when the other cleared his throat.

Tyler saw red hair first and foremost.

The teenager saw lips in a frown- now that was wrong, this stranger shouldn’t be _frowning_! Tyler felt it deep in his soul that the stranger should be smiling, as happy as his hair.

“There you are. It’s been a little while.”

Tyler opened and closed his mouth a couple times. He didn’t recognize this other person, not at all.

“Huh? I don’t know you.” He finally decided on, blinking a couple times up at the ruby boy, staring at him.

The ruby boy’s expression softens, and continues softening until it’s so obvious he’s **sad**.

Tyler doesn’t like that.

The stranger breathed shakily. “Sorry. I must have gotten you confused with someone else. I’m Josh.”

Josh.

Tyler shivered a bit, because the name Josh tasted like chlorine, just like this place, just like the fear he felt thinking about the water.

But there was something else about it. It was like sipping antifreeze, it tasted good, but killed him inside.

Tyler wanted more.

“Josh?” Tyler felt the tang of chlorine burst across his tongue, so strong it hurt in all the right ways. “My name is Tyler.”

His name tastes somehow sweeter too when it was so close to Josh’s. Like he’d stuck an old candy in his mouth, and it was nearly at its end, with no other candy to take its place.

Josh was killing him already.

Tyler _needed_ it more.

Maybe this year wouldn’t be as bad as Tyler thought.

* * *

 

“Why do you do that?”

Tyler paused his flicking, holding the rubber band just off his wrist.

It had been a couple weeks since they met (though Tyler swore Josh knew too much about him to have just met, and Tyler felt like he’d tasted Josh’s name before but it never tasted like this), and the two were already inseparable.

His mother let Josh spend the night all the time. His mother seemed… on edge now, however. She gave tight smiles at Josh, and paled a little whenever Tyler spoke about him. And she never let Tyler go out with Josh unless it was with her, or Zack, or his dad too.

Tyler noticed it, but he had no frame of reference. It was almost like she could taste the chlorine too, but she didn’t like it.

Tyler did though. Tyler liked it a lot. It made him feel as if he was being cleansed, like being with Josh was powerwashing the bad away from his soul. And eating at it too.

Tyler let the rubber band snap again.

“I… it helps me.”

Tyler had urges sometimes. He wanted to harm himself, but he never did. He used the rubber band on his wrist to keep himself calm. He kept the urges away, and he did it well.

Tyler had holes in his memory, but there was still… things that flashed up in his mind sometimes. He remembered a blood stained kitchen sink, for example.

Things like that made him do things like the rubber band. He would be damned if he saw that again. He didn’t want to hurt himself.

So he wouldn’t.

Josh doesn't respond for a long moment.

“Well, I'm glad it helps you. But just… don't do it too much, we wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.”

The irony tastes like the color red.

The color red tasted like pennies. Copper. Blood.

Briefly, Tyler missed Josh’s red hair. Now it was orange.

Tyler gave a snort, smile brightening on his face. His legs swung off his bed as he leaned back on his arms. He hummed softly, before he glanced at the older other to see the confused smile on his perfect lips.

Tyler could barely taste chlorine this time.

“Are you hungry?” Tyler finally asked, making Josh perk up a bit. He nodded an affirmative, grinning widely. Good.

Tyler jumped off of his bed, reaching out for Josh’s hand and pulling the other along with him. When they made it to the kitchen, Tyler finally let go of his hand and went into the fridge.

Josh leaned in the counter, cheeks a soft pink as he held his hand that Tyler had just grabbed to his chest. Josh seemed to enjoy when Tyler touched him.

“What do you want?” Tyler looked around the fridge, eyes squinted and lips pursed a little.

“Uhhh…” Josh kicked the counter lightly. “Something simple?”

Tyler glanced around the fridge, licking his lips gently.

“Maybe a ham sandwich?” Tyler suggested weakly. He didn’t really know what the other would want to eat. He felt more relaxed when Josh said alright, and started making two sandwiches.

They started to make idle chit-chat, as they usually did- never stopping, always knowing how to keep the conversation going.

It wasn’t until they sat down at the table that Tyler finally asked the question that derailed the conversation and left them tumbling.

“What's your house like?”

Josh went quiet.

Tyler could feel something black in his stomach, coiling around him and squeezing. An awful lead taste sprung up on his tongue, and he wanted to gag. That was a bad question. He could tell.

Before Tyler could speak though, Josh huffed.

“It's fine.”

Tyler knew he was lying but he didn't push. He didn't want to ruin their relationship.

“Okay Josh.”

The sweet taste of his name was gone once again.

And Tyler relished the taste of chlorine, even as it killed him a little more.

“Let’s go watch tv with my mom.”

“Okay Tyler.”

They didn’t talk about it for the rest of the night, and finally fell asleep half on each other in Tyler’s full bed.

Tyler’s dreams told him this was okay. He believed it wholeheartedly.

* * *

 

Tyler had been writing lyrics to a new song in his journal when he realized how dependent he was on Josh. Not just simple dependency either, but straight up obsession.

Tyler raked his gaze over the pages. This song was so obviously about Josh, and it tasted so good; like mushy raspberries.

Tyler slowly took out his ukulele, strumming a bit as he read over the words. It took awhile of chewing on them before he was sure of just how to sing it.

He was singing pretty loudly, tasting every word on his tongue, when Josh silently came up the stairs and entered the room.

“ _... but if I’m feeling someone stepping towards you, can't describe just what I'm feeling…!_ ”

Josh shut the door behind him, causing Tyler to jolt.

“O-Oh banana-”

“You’re singing…!” Josh’s voice was so excited, that it set Tyler’s soul on fire.

Tyler noticed the hair change- he always did that. It was cute. Green this time, hmm?

“Uh- yeah. I write music sometimes.” Tyler dipped his head, cheeks flushing. Something about Josh’s smile felt like the other already knew that. But he shouldn’t have known that…

“Can I hear you play more?”

Tyler rubbed his red face, shifting. He didn’t really play for people too much, not since he played Stressed Out in front of his peers. Even then, that was really close to a one off thing and he usually kept the songs to himself.

But… But Josh was different. He enjoyed Josh’s company and trusted him. (And wasn’t that such a stupid thing, enjoying someone who tasted like the one thing Tyler hated to his very core.)

Tyler scratched his face and nodded slowly. “Okay. I called this one uh, Smithereens. Just- don’t judge it too harshly, okay?”

Josh nodded quickly.

Tyler watched him quickly sit on the bed, pulling his legs up and staring at him with those sparkling, beautiful eyes.

Tyler shook the thought away, blushing harder as he started to strum at the ukulele again, hesitating before he started to sing.

“ _You know, I'll be in the corner taking notes. And you know, I got your six while you're working votes. But if I'm feeling someone stepping towards you, can't describe just what I'm feeling…_ ”

Josh sat and listened in awe, mouth agape. He breathed softly as Tyler sang, and Tyler couldn’t help but feel like maybe Josh really did like his mushy raspberries love song.

Josh started clapping when Tyler finished, causing him to hide a little behind is ukulele.

“It, uh…” It’s for you? Could he even tell Josh that?

“I wrote it for someone.”

“It was beautiful. I hope they like it.”

Tyler hesitated. They? So Tyler could try and see…

“He.”

“Oh? That’s cool, are you gay?”

Tyler glanced up at Josh. He didn’t seem to care, but…

“Are you?”

Josh snorted and started to laugh. “Of course! Yes I’m gay. As gay as they come.”

Tyler started to laugh too. It felt nice to laugh with Josh, like things were _normal_. He wanted to be normal so badly.

“I’m bi.”

Josh nodded. “I thought I was bi for a bit. Turns out, just gay.”

Tyler sat up straighter.

“You’re my best friend.” He suddenly blurted, eyes widening. He waited for Josh to answer, breathing stopping.

Josh blinked in surprise, before his face split into the brightest smile Tyler had seen. This chlorine boy could rival fucking _sunshine_.

“You’re my best friend too, Ty. I love you.”

Tyler blushed a little- he was blushing so much, he worried Josh would notice- before nodding. “I love you too, man. Thanks for being my friend.”

The I love you tasted like raspberries too, and Tyler found that he really loved it.

“Thank me? Dude, I should be thanking you. I have nothing to get back to at home, you’re giving me something better to look forward to. A place I feel warm.”

Tyler slowly put the ukulele down. He didn’t pry when Josh spoke about his home, because he rarely got any information about it and whenever he asked Josh immediately shut down, but he did open his arms to offer the other a hug.

Josh moved to cling to Tyler, hugging on so tightly that Tyler thought his ribs would crack.

But it wasn’t scary, no.

It felt so nice holding onto someone like this. Tyler flushed brighter and nuzzled Josh.

“You’ll always have a home here. If you ever need anything, just come to me.” Tyler said softly.

“... thank you. Okay. I will.”

* * *

 

Zack had wanted to go for a walk.

Getting away from Tyler’s mother and having some nearly alone time with Josh had sounded good to Tyler, so he asked if they both could go with him.

Tyler’s mother had pulled him aside to give him rules- stupid rules that Tyler didn’t pay attention to. He didn’t care what she had to say. Josh was trustworthy, Tyler knew (even if his name tasted like _chlorine_ ), but his mother just didn’t.

It was annoying to say the very least.

Tyler agreed to whatever she said, and moved to get his shoes on when she finally, finally let him go.

Josh stood beside him, shoes and coat already on. He looked puffy in his little coat, hoodie coming up over purple dyed hair as the older teen grinned toothily.

“It’s like September, it’s not that cold.” Tyler said, tongue clicking against the top of his mouth.

“It’s like 65 degrees outside and I get cold easily.” Josh complained, much to Tyler’s amusement. Josh seemed unimpressed when Tyler started laughing.

“Hey, don’t worry, it’s cute.” Tyler chimed, before his cheeks heated up and he looked away.

Josh brightened immediately. “Cute?”

“Shut up.”

Josh continued laughing as Tyler finished getting ready, before Tyler moved to follow Zack when the other left.

Josh followed happily, shoes making little _tap tap taps_ on the ground behind Tyler.

Tyler felt comfortable hearing Josh behind him, glad the other was here. Something in him worried about the other. He couldn’t imagine life without Josh- it had only been 3 months and he was already dependent. The other had become more than just a lifeline.

Tyler stopped in the middle of the clearing when Zack finished walking into the woods, watching his younger brother start playing with the rocks.

“Hey Zack?” Josh had moved over to stand with the other.

“Yeah?” Zack looked up at Josh. Zack was only about a year younger than Tyler, but Tyler always saw him as younger.

He watched Josh talk with his brother, helping the other draw in the dirt with a rock.

“Hey Tyler, c’mere!” Josh chirped, beckoning the other.

Tyler blinked and walked over, looking down at the two’s art in the dirt. He could immediately taste something… milky, but not exactly milk. He couldn’t place it, but he knew what it meant. He could taste childhood.

“Oh-!”

Josh and Zack had drawn little figures in the dirt- a little Josh, a little Zack, a little Tyler.

Tyler’s heart fluttered a bit, and he grinned a bit. “It’s great.”

Zack laughed, before moving to a tree and testing the branches. He said something about climbing it, and started to do just that.

Tyler stared up at Zack, watching the 16 year old hang off of a branch and swing his leg upwards.

Josh moved to stand next to Tyler, before smiling softly. “It feels nice going out with you guys. It makes me forget home you know?”

Tyler didn’t respond other than a nod. He knew by now that prying was just unhealthy for both of them.

Josh stared at Tyler for a few moments. “... you look really pretty.” He mumbled, biting his lip.

Tyler straightened, eyes widening and cheeks turning red. “I- what?”

Josh rubbed the back of his neck. “I uh. You’re really pretty?”

Tyler gave a scoff, covering his face. “... not… Not as pretty as you.”

Oh god, were they flirting?

Tyler looked over at Josh, taking in the crinkles to his eyes and the grin on his lips. He couldn’t tell if the pink was him being cold or him blushing. He guessed on blushing, it didn’t feel cold to Tyler.

Josh moved a little closer. “Can I try something, Tyler?” He asked.

Tyler breathed softly, shakily as he noticed how close Josh was. He nodded.

Josh smiled nervously, moving forward and pressing his lips gently to Tyler’s.

Tyler melted into the kiss immediately, eyes shutting. Josh’s lips were so soft against his own, and Tyler couldn’t help but lose himself in the raspberry taste. It tasted just like Smithereens, and Tyler loved it.

Tyler blinked a tiny bit as Josh finally pulled away a little, feeling his cold breath against his skin.

“That was…” Josh trailed off, nervous. He played with Tyler’s hair a tiny bit, as the two boys stayed close to each other.

“Amazing.” Tyler finished, and was relieved when Josh quickly nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, it was.”

Tyler licked his lips a little. “Are we… boyfriends then…?”

“Would you like to be?”

Josh sounded so hopeful, and Tyler felt so happy, that there was no way anything but yes would ever come from Tyler’s lips.

“Oh, yes please-”

Josh gave a happy noise, picking Tyler up and spinning him in a hug.

Tyler gave a high pitched excited noise, holding onto Josh. “I love you!” He cried, not even thinking. He just needed the other to know it.

Raspberries became Tyler’s favorite taste right then and there.

Josh set Tyler down, sunshine grin shining at him.

“I love you too!”

Their moment was only broken by Zack jumping down. He had an unreadable expression for a moment, before he grinned widely.

“Took you long enough.”

Tyler felt like Zack knew something he didn’t, but that didn’t matter now.

No, the only thing that mattered now was holding onto Josh and walking home with him behind Zack.

“I feel like I missed you so much, in my soul.” Tyler suddenly blurted, voice soft.

Josh gave a sad smile this time, but it still felt somehow warm.

“Yeah? I missed you too.”

Tyler didn’t tell his mom they were dating when they got back.

Thankfully, neither did Zack.

* * *

 

Tyler was the one who wanted to try something this time.

It had only been a few days since the two had kissed for the first time, and Josh had changed his hair color again.

Tyler had tugged the now pink haired boy up quickly to his room when they were done greeting his mother, and practically jumped onto the bed.

Josh laughed as he was pulled, dropping his backpack onto the floor. “Woah! Tyler, slow down!”

“Quick, be fast-” Tyler mumbled, sitting down onto the bed. He looked at the time. So early, much too early.

“We have to- um, we have to stay… awake for tonight, okay?”

“Well, don’t we usually?”

Tyler giggled breathlessly. “I know. I know, but there’s something I wanted to try tonight and we can’t let my mom know.”

His voice was a whisper, in Josh’s ear since Tyler leaned in close.

Josh gave a little confused smile as Tyler leaned on him a bit, obviously nervous. He chewed on his lip and dipped his head.

“I wanted to… try _something_.”

Josh’s cheeks suddenly got red when he realized what Tyler meant, blinking in surprise at the other. “R-Really?”

Tyler hid his mouth behind his hand and nodded. He reached out and carefully squeezed Josh’s knee, before looking at the time.

“Tyler, don’t worry. It’ll come naturally. Let’s just…” Josh looked around the room.

“I have a new song I could show you.” Tyler blurted. “It… We could play it, I can hum you the beat and stuff and you can drum it on the bed.”

Josh gave a soft laugh. “Yeah! I’d love to help you.”

Tyler quickly moved to his closet to grab his ukulele, strumming a couple times. “Okay. I call this ‘We Don’t Believe What’s On TV’.”

Josh giggled, smile brightening. “That’s a great name.”

Tyler and Josh spent hours giggling and playing, making jokes and sitting so close Tyler thought he could die happy right now.

Josh gave a slightly sleepy noise, making Tyler look at the time.

“I’ll go check.” Tyler moved silently into the hallway, checking in the rooms silently. Everyone seemed to be asleep.

He moved back to the room, shutting the door behind him. He looked up at the bed, blushing when he saw Josh in bed, his pants flung onto the floor.

Tyler swallowed, smiling nervously and taking off his own pants.

Josh opened the covers to allow Tyler in too, and Tyler couldn’t help but notice the bulge between his legs.

Tyler gave a soft noise, flicking off the light, moving into the bed, and snuggling up against him carefully. After a long few moments of Tyler gently, barely raking his fingertips over Josh’s chest, he spoke. “I’m nervous.”

“We can take it slow.”

Tyler nodded, moving to pin one of Josh’s thighs between his own.

Tyler lifted his knee a bit, gently grinding it against Josh and looking pleased when Josh’s eyes shut and he let out a moan.

Tyler just sat and stared at Josh’s face in the dark, his eyes adjusting enough to make out some of his expression.

Josh moved his own leg against Tyler’s crotch, making the slightly taller other hide his face against his chest to hide his noises.

Tyler was so nervous, carefully pushing his hands up Josh’s shirt and kissing his neck gently.

Josh’s hands settled on Tyler’s hips, thumbs rubbing against his skin.

Tyler wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do now, but Josh took charge, turning them a bit so he could continue pressing his thigh against Tyler.

Tyler couldn’t tell what the taste was in his mouth. It was something sweet, soft, so good. Tyler could taste something in Josh’s name that wasn’t just the tang of chlorine when he moaned it out against the other’s chest.

Tyler felt something slick and wet against him, and he let out a sweet noise when Josh’s hand moved.

“J-Josh-”

Flowers? Fruit? Red, but not the bloody red again. Something sweeter, almost pink like Josh’s hair, but a little darker.

Tyler had been paying too much attention to finding out what the taste in his mouth was. He was caught by surprise when suddenly he felt two fingers twisting inside him, gasping and trying to keep as quiet as possible, muffling his noises against Josh yet again.

Tyler breathed heavily, moaning sweetly. “J-Josh…”

“I’ve got you Tyler.”

Josh’s voice was whispered, soft, and it made Tyler’s heart flutter.

He needed more. He wanted to hear Josh moan, wanted to make Josh feel the same way he did.

Tyler’s hand moved of its own accord, touching Josh as he felt a third finger push into him, squeezing.

Josh shut his eyes and gave a soft noise in the back of his throat as Tyler’s hand touched him, before they opened a little. The two stared at each other with soft eyes.

Tyler could get lost in those eyes.

Josh grunted softly, eyes shutting once more as Tyler pushed his hand into Josh’s underwear, before he pushed them down too.

Tyler idly wondered where his own underwear had gone.

Tyler pulled his hand back and placed one on the small of Josh’s back and the other around his neck.

Tyler bit his lip hard when he felt something against him, before his eyes shut and he hid his moan against Josh yet again.

Tyler turned his head a little, listening to Josh’s heart beat. He felt the rhythm even out, going along with the rocking motion against him that made his insides quiver and his tastebuds sing with that sweet red that continued to crescendo.

Josh’s soft noises were so good in Tyler’s ears. It sounded like a song that no one but Tyler would hear.

Tyler gasped again, another moan against Josh’s chest as something exploded inside him. He held on tightly, trembling and squeezing.

Warmth was inside him- was that Josh’s warmth?

The taste was clear now. Frozen strawberries.

He relaxed as Josh nuzzled against him, before he slowly pulled out.

Tyler breathed heavily as Josh kissed his face and neck all over, saying soft words that Tyler didn’t really catch.

Josh cleaned them both off with tissues, dressing them both gently.

Tyler clung to Josh as soon as the other laid back on the bed, and soft, happy noises escaped him when Josh held back.

Tyler didn’t have bad dreams that night.

No, he had dreams about Josh, but they tasted like mushy raspberries and smelled like flowery hair dye.

Tyler slept for a long time that night, and Josh didn’t disturb him.

* * *

 

Three days later found Tyler and Josh just as close as ever.

“I'm bored.”

Tyler looked up at Josh as the other lazily drummed against the desk with a couple pencils he’d rummaged from Tyler’s drawers.

Tyler had learned something early on in their relationship.

Because Josh was a year older than him (and had graduated from high school last year), and because Tyler had school at home, their hanging out sessions rarely ever ended.

Josh had turned 19 over the summer, and Tyler was turning 18 in December.

Tyler glanced at the laptop shining at him from his lap, half written essay staring at him like it was chastising him for the _56 minutes since last change_.

Tyler huffed a little. “Me too.”

Josh drummed on the desk more, before he looked up. “Let's go out.”

“You know we can't, my mom would flip her lid. Plus, it’s like 2 am.”

“Exactly!” Josh’s voice was a whisper, smile on his face and he continued to drum his pencils against the desk.

“What do you mean?”

“Two in the morning is the perfect time to go, she won’t know anything.” Josh dropped the pencils onto the floor.

Tyler rubbed his hands together. “I guess you’re right.”

“We had sex last time, let’s just go out and have fun this time.”

Tyler hesitated, looking down at his computer screen. He wasn’t going to be able to write any more than this and he knew it, so…

He shut the laptop and nodded. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

Josh’s grin was so wide as he grabbed his keys that Tyler thought his face would split in half. It was cute.

Tyler was quiet as the two snuck to the back of the house, silently opening the door and leaving.

They giggled quietly as they made it to Josh’s truck and got in. Josh turned on the truck, quickly pulling out and starting to drive.

Tyler was grinning from ear to ear, cheeks pink as he snuggled into the seat. Music was playing softly from the radio as the two continued giving nervous laughs.

“We did it.” Josh said softly.

Tyler rubbed the car door softly, listening to the music. Sick Boy by a band called the Chainsmokers.

Tyler chuckled tiredly. “It tastes like the ocean.”

“What?”

Tyler paused immediately, eyes widening. He was quiet for a long moment. “... the… the song. Tastes like the ocean.”

Josh went quiet.

Tyler immediately started panicking. Josh was going to see how weird he was. Josh was going to hate him. Josh was going to drop him off back home and never talk to him again and-

“It does, doesn’t it?”

Tyler tapped the dashboard in front of him nervously. “H-Huh…?”

Josh shifted, eyes trained on the road. “The song. It’s… blue, right?”

Tyler opened and closed his mouth. “How did you…”

Josh shook his head a bit. “I… I just…”

The car ride went silent for a few long beats. It wasn’t until the next song was playing and Tyler couldn’t be bothered to figure out what the taste now assaulting his tongue was that Josh spoke again.

“Do names have… colors and tastes?”

“Most of them do. Sometimes they’re bland and tasteless, and I don’t really pay them much attention.”

Josh nodded. After a couple more beats, he asked another question.

“Does my name have…?”

Tyler looked out the window.

The scenery was passing them not too fast, and Tyler could just make out trees, flowers… Calming things. Tyler wanted to be calm.

Tyler wanted Josh’s name to taste like something better, so he could tell Josh something easier to swallow than _chlorine and nightmares_.

“... like a red carnation.”

Josh perked up, and Tyler thanked god. That had been a good answer.

It wasn’t like Tyler wanted to lie to Josh. But there were some things that he couldn’t tell the other, and he wasn’t about to try.

“Yellow lilies.”

Tyler blinked in surprise, cheeks flushing hotter than before. Oh. Oh that was cute. Tyler looked away, and smiled a little wider. Josh was so good to him.

Tyler could ignore that god awful chlorine taste if it meant being with someone this good.

“Where are we going?” He finally asked.

“Well, I was going to stop at the park. We’ve got thick enough jackets and sweatpants, and it’s not freezing out.” Josh hummed.

Tyler nodded, pressing his head against the cold window. He breathed softly, listening to whatever song was now playing.

He lifted his head when Josh parked in the lot, breathing softly. He got out of the truck when Josh turned it off, rubbing his hands together.

Tyler gave a soft happy noise when Josh wrapped his arms around his shoulders. He hadn’t been truly alone with Josh at all, and it felt good. He rested his head against Josh’s chest, listening to the other’s heartbeat.

They made their way to a bench, Tyler practically falling onto Josh when they sat down. The two fell into breathless laughter, just about to kiss when-

“Josh? Tyler?”

Tyler pulled back, blinking in confusion and looking over. There was a moment of hesitation before he recognized the three boys in front of him, faintly.

Josh grimaced, holding Tyler a little tighter.

Tim Skipper, AJ Babcock, and Eric Newcomer.

Tyler had always felt off around them, and their other friend who seemed to be gone, Jared Rigsby. He had heard something about Jared’s brother, Colin, becoming an adult and moving, so Jared had left with him.

Tim, AJ, and Eric, Tyler had met on only a few occasions. They had been there at school, before Tyler left, and sometimes out in public if Tyler ever went out with his parents. He had sometimes gone alone, and whenever he had seen the three he’d immediately felt the urge to run.

Right now he wanted to run.

They tasted like chlorine too, but it wasn’t good like Josh. There was this other taste right underneath the chlorine that reminded him of the time he sweetened his coffee with salt.

And then of course, the familiar lead taste too.

Everything about them made his body want to run away.

And Josh just held him tighter.

“I didn’t know you were in town, Josh.” Tim spoke, causing the yellow haired boy holding Tyler to flinch a tiny bit.

“You know each other?” Tyler asked, causing the three boys to pause a bit.

“Oh, I get it. Snrt.” AJ shook his head a bit.

Josh shifted. “Tyler, we should get going.”

“Already?”

Tyler didn’t get to ask anything else, as Josh pulled him up and started leading him to the truck again.

Tim’s voice suddenly yelled, “Stay safe Tyler! Wouldn’t want someone like Josh to hurt you~!”

Josh winced and quickly helped Tyler into the truck. He jumped into the driver’s side and turned it on, quickly pulling out and driving away.

Tyler blinked a few times. “Wh-What was that?”

“Nothing.”

Tyler didn’t feel like Josh was telling the truth, but something in him told him it would be better to drop it. Josh didn’t look so good, and Tyler didn’t want to make him unhappy or hurt him.

“... I love you.” Tyler whispered, and Josh gave a shaky smile.

“I love you more than you could ever know.”

Tyler’s mother was awake when they got back, and very angry.

Tyler had never seen her this angry, nor his father. Tyler was a little scared by it.

“You’re never allowed near our son again.” Tyler’s mother had spoke immediately, yanking Tyler behind her and away from Josh.

Josh flinched, mouth opening in horror. “W-Wait- No I didn’t-”

“Mom-” Tyler gave a breathless squeak, trying to push past her. His dad suddenly grabbed him and held him back.

Josh was panicking. “Please- we just went out to the park okay? I’m sorry we just-”

“I gave you a chance- a _chance_ and you- go, before I call the police.”

His mother’s voice was cracking and weak. Tyler wanted her to shut up.

He could taste cold lead.

“Mom please- we went to the park and- and that was it, we had a drive, went to the park, came back. We were in the truck longer than we were at the park!” Tyler trembled, struggling to get his dad to let him go.

“Tyler, go inside. Now.” His mother spoke, voice hard.

Tyler flinched back at the tone of her voice, eyes wide.

“Mrs. Joseph-” Josh spoke breathlessly, before she pushed him backwards.

“I’ll call the police!” She started pulling out her phone.

Josh looked to the floor, tears spilling down his cheeks as he quickly got into his truck. He was shaking as he looked out the window, only to flinch and start to drive away when Tyler’s mother pointed at her phone.

Tyler broke.

He felt like he was drowning, like his lungs were being filled with murky water, screaming at the top of them as he went limp in his dad’s grasp, head spinning.

He didn’t really notice as he screamed his voice raw and was taken inside. He didn’t listen to anything anyone had to say.

Zack slept in Tyler's room that night.

Tyler was thankful.

* * *

 It only took barely a couple days before Tyler couldn’t take not seeing Josh.

Tyler wasn’t about to give up Josh just because his mother didn’t trust them, oh no. Not by a long shot.

Tyler was addicted to Josh, and everything in his body screamed now that they were apart. He _needed_ to go out to find the other.

Tyler was trying to sneak out the front door when he heard Zack, his wonderful brother Zack...

“Hey, do you want me to give you an alibi?”

Tyler flinched, looking over with wide eyes as he stood at the door. He looked around before nodding. “Yeah, that would be great.” He whispered.

Zack gave a toothy grin, nodding. “Okay. Go have fun, I’ll tell mom you went out to the mall or something.”

Tyler adjusted his backpack and nodded. “Thanks Zack. I’ll be back tonight.”

Zack saluted, sticking his tongue out for a moment before rushing up to his room.

Tyler moved out of the house and headed off to the park. He stared down at his phone, about to text Josh when he saw a tuft of soft pink hair in the distance. “Josh!”

The other boy jolted and lifted his head, eyes wide. Tyler rushed at him, jumping at him in a hug.

Josh immediately swung him around in a hug, nuzzling the younger, taller other. Tyler’s feet scraped against the floor a little, but neither seemed to mind. Tyler pressed his soft lips to Josh’s, and Josh let out a loud whirr.

“I missed you so much!” Tyler squeaked, when he was finally put down.

Josh relaxed, blushing a little. “I missed you too. Don’t worry, I’ll always be here.”

Tyler chuckled, giving Josh a soft kiss again.

Josh grabbed his hand. “How did you… like… how are you-”

“I snuck out.” Tyler grinned. When Josh started to look afraid, Tyler quickly added, “Don’t worry, my mom knows I’m out, she just thinks I’m at the mall. Zack is covering for me.”

Josh looked a little uneasy, but nodded. “I got you. I’m glad we can still hang out.”

Tyler nuzzled Josh gently.

“We need to find a place to hang out every day.”

Josh looked up when Tyler spoke, pursing his lips. “Well… What about that little shack thing? The one behind the park? Uh, what was it called…”

Tyler didn’t really care about the name though.

“Yeah! Don’t they have supplies in there though? And usually it’s locked…”

“No no, they have a key hidden right next to the door.” Josh spoke excitedly.

Tyler followed Josh all the way up to the supply house, watching the pink haired boy grab a key from inside a fake rock and unlock the door.

Tyler stepped into it behind his boyfriend, eyes looking around. “We can meet here, hang out a bit and then decide what we want to do every day.”

Josh nodded quickly. “Yeah! I’ll always be here whenever you need me now, even when your mom, uh…”

Tyler looked over when Josh trailed off, noticing his uneasy look.

“Hey. Don’t worry, I promise that it’ll be okay.”

Josh licked his lips gently, before nodding. “Okay. I trust you Tyler.”

“I trust you too, Josh.”

After a bit of cleaning, Josh suddenly said, “Race you to the climbing tree?”

Tyler blinked in surprise, before grinning widely and nodding.

Tyler chased after Josh when the other started running, grinning widely.

He thought for a moment about Josh being always there for him.

Tyler had Josh in his coat pocket, his rebel red carnation.

Tyler was… happy.

“Hey, how did you get so fast?!”

Josh giggled happily as Tyler followed him, tongue slightly out of his mouth when he tagged onto the big tree and turned to Tyler.

Tyler panted, leaning on the tree when he got to the soft pink boy. “... Hey Josh?”

Josh tilted his head. “Yeah?”

“Are your parents gonna be okay with you being out all the time?”

Josh hesitated, looking away. He shifted, rubbing his hands together before nodding a little. “Yeah. Don’t worry Tyler. They get more mad when I’m _in_ the house than when I’m out of it.”

Tyler felt a knot in his stomach at that.

“Besides! I’m 19! An adult!”

Tyler sighed a little, nodding and giving Josh a smile.

“If you’re not home a lot, maybe I should bring you some warm stuff?”

“Eh, the shack is pretty warm enough. Now if you really want to help, food would be nice.” Josh winked.

Tyler snorted. “Yeah, okay. I’ll bring some food.”

“Now let’s get our butts up the tree, it’s not going to climb itself.”

* * *

 

It had been a month since his mother had forbade Tyler from hanging out with Josh. Tyler knew that him going out every day was starting to interfere with his classes, but he honestly couldn’t care less. There was no incentive these days to work hard. Josh made him happy, and that was a hard thing to do these days, so he worked at that.

However, at the moment, Tyler found himself sitting on the couch as his mother stared down at him.

It was the morning after Halloween, when Tyler had gotten home later than he had promised, and had come home after a less than… child friendly night out.

“... Are you still hanging around Josh Dun?”

Tyler frowned deeply as his mother spoke to him.

“Why?”

“Because your grades are awful and you’re doing things that aren’t normal for you. You’re being…” She hesitated.

“Being what?? Happy???” Tyler couldn’t help it. He was mad.

“Happy?” His mother spoke incredulously. “This isn’t _happiness_ , Tyler! This is rebelling for- what, for the sake of rebelling?? Why do you keep doing everything I tell you not to!”

“I’M NOT! I’M HANGING OUT WITH MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND AND TRYING TO BE HAPPY WHILE YOU JUST WANT ME DEPRESSED!!”

Tyler breathed heavily as the room went silent. He opened and closed his hands, before moving to quickly get his shoes and jacket on.

“Where do you think you’re g-” His mother started, before Tyler opened the door and started running.

It felt wrong that it wasn’t raining. Like the sky should be crying just like… Just like…

Like Tyler was.

Tyler wiped the tears spilling down his cheeks away and sobbed.

He ran like his life depended on it to the supply house, trembling. He felt like he was trying to escape from the walls that confined him, to the one person he knew could be there, heal him.

Clean him.

Josh was sitting outside the supply house on a bench. He looked up with a smile when he heard Tyler, before it quickly disappeared.

“Tyler-?!”

Tyler crashed into Josh, arms wrapping around him tightly as he sobbed on Josh’s chest. Josh immediately started to rub his back, lightly scratching his back.

Josh’s heartbeat calmed Tyler down after a few moments, his sobs starting to subside. He trembled, slowly pulling back just a bit.

“M-My mom is a bitch.”

Josh immediately died on the spot. He would have done a spit take right then and there if he had something in his mouth.

Tyler rarely cursed. Josh cursed even less.

It must have been something _seriously wrong_ for Tyler to call his mom a… A…

“Why?”

Tyler pulled back and rubbed his face. “She yelled at me for- okay, let me start at the beginning.”

“Here, let’s get inside first.”

Tyler let Josh lead him inside the supply house, looking around for something to bring warmth into. He started the few candles both of them had managed to get into the little house, sitting down on one of the few places that had enough space for his butt.

Josh sat on the floor in front of Tyler, and Tyler felt like this was story time at a school. It was a little weird, but he felt good knowing Josh was going to listen to him instead of think they already know or knew what was best for him.

“Okay. Mom sat me down this morning and accused me of hanging out with you, because my grades are terrible. Then when I told her I’m happy she said I’m not happy, and that I’m rebelling just to… rebel I guess? And then I yelled at her and… said the F word-”

Josh choked again. “You must have been really mad…”

“Well, yeah! It’s like she doesn’t care that I’m happy now! She could at least get me an appointment with my therapist if she thinks I need it. I really couldn’t care less about school at this point, I’m more worried about staying happy. I can’t concentrate on school work anymore.”

Josh nodded. “I get it. School was really hard…”

Tyler gave a flat noise. “She’s so… mad…. She hates me hanging out with you. I wonder if she knows we… did something and that’s why.”

Josh bit his lip and shifted. “I hope not…”

“Oh well. I don’t care what she thinks. I love you.”

Josh had an unreadable expression on his face, but he nodded a little. “I love you too. Tyler, you have no idea how much I love you.”

Tyler’s cheeks turned red, and he dipped his head to hide his face a little.

Josh stood up, moving to tentatively cup Tyler’s cheeks. He gently rubbed Tyler’s cheekbones with the pads of his thumbs, before pulling Tyler into a soft kiss.

Tyler relaxed, kissing back and blushing hard. He felt his stomach flip and heart flutter, tasting chlorine and something sweet like honey in Josh’s mouth.

Tyler smiled a little when Josh pulled back, staring up at him. He nuzzled one of the hands still cupping his cheeks, whirring softly.

Josh pulled back finally, sitting on the floor again. “I’ll always be here for you Tyler. Don’t worry. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m all ears.”

Tyler moved to sit in Josh’s lap, curling up against him and nodding. “And I’m always here to listen to you too, Joshie.”

Josh didn’t respond for a long moment.

Tyler was about to pull away to ask if Josh had heard, before Josh ran his fingers through Tyler’s hair.

“I know Tyler. Thank you.”

Tyler started to doze off as Josh hummed to him and continued to play with his hair, feeling warm inside.

* * *

 

When Tyler got home, his mother was already on a warpath.

Tyler shrunk back at the look he got when he went inside the house. He slowly stepped in and sat down on the couch, picking at his jeans.

His mother stood in front of him, before letting out a breath she had been holding and shaking her head.

“This isn’t… right. I shouldn’t be yelling at you. I’m just so… worried… I don’t want Josh to hurt you again…”

Tyler’s nose scrunched up, looking confused. “What? Again? Josh has _never_ hurt me!”

His mother opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water, and Tyler could taste lead in his mouth.

“... Tyler… I think it’s time I tell you…” She jittered a bit, not wanting to say anything. “... Tyler, you used to be best friends, since 9th grade… And then something… happened…”

Tyler felt confused and hurt and _sick_.

“What-? Why didn’t anyone tell me that we used to be friends!?”

His mother didn’t answer anymore, not looking at Tyler.

Tyler swallowed hard and quickly got off the couch, running up to his room. He was glad that his mother didn’t follow.

Zack was standing at the top of the stairs, looking nervous.

Tyler stopped, staring at him. “... you knew.”

Zack slowly nodded. “But I also knew that he was good… No one else trusted him but I-!”

Tyler pushed past him and into his room, slamming and locking the door behind him.

The betrayed teen stared down at his bed, before pulling out his journal of song lyrics and starting to write.

His mother came to tell him through the door that she got him an appointment with his therapist, but Tyler wasn’t paying attention.

“... It’s in two days…” She tried once more, but Tyler only started to sing.

“ _I know what you think in the morning, when the sun shines on the ground, and shows what you have done..._ ”

Defeated, his mother walked away from his room.

Tyler rubbed his chest, sniffing and letting his tears drip.

He didn’t care about anyone else- if it was too loud or not. He hurt. And he was going to hurt as loudly as he wanted.

“ _You all have guns!! And you never put the safety on!! And you all have plans, to take it, to take it, don't take it, take it,_ **_take it!!!_ **”

Tyler simply breathed hard, continuing to write.

Tyler had no one left to talk to- his therapist didn’t count. Even if they did, Tyler didn’t talk to them nearly enough. He had no one to sit and listen to his songs, no one to confide in. No one to be happy with.

It hurt. It hurt so bad.

“ _I'm trying, I'm trying to sleep… But I can't, but I can't when you all have…. Guns for hands, yeah…_ ”

He ended up falling asleep before he finished writing the last verse, exhaustion finally taking him.

Tyler had nightmares that night, about chlorine and Josh and _death_.

Tyler woke up at 3am to vomit into the trash bucket next to his desk.

* * *

 

Tyler was sitting in his therapist’s office, playing with his jeans. He hadn’t been here in many many months, not since June. Now it was November and Tyler felt sick. Very sick.

“So Tyler, how have you been since we last saw?”

Tyler loved his therapist, he really did, but he never felt comfortable… _telling_ them anything. They were gender neutral and definitely helped him come to terms with any gender or sexuality thoughts he had, but…

Nothing else.

Tyler felt afraid the other would think he was a bad person.

“... Pretty good for a while, I started hanging out with this guy Josh but… My mom told me that we used to… know each other and no one told me, not even Josh.”

His therapist, Jaquilyn, shifted. “Maybe they had a reason for keeping it secret?”

“But that’s not very fair…”

Tyler rubbed his face and sighed shakily. The session didn’t really help him much afterwards, but at least he was alone and able to do whatever he wanted now. Probably because his mother really didn’t expect him to go see Josh after that. Or maybe it was because Tyler was in a horrible, horrible mood now.

Who knew.

Tyler was scrolling through his phone, pausing when he saw Josh texting him. After a long moment of staring at the greeting, he texted back.

_josh: hey_

_tyler: hey. meet me at the lake._

_josh: ? but it’s so cold out_

_josh: we aren’t going swimming are we_

_tyler: i just don’t want to be at the park today._

_josh: okay._

Tyler shoved his phone back in his pocket and started his walk to the lake. It was thankfully not too far from his therapist’s office, so he didn’t die in the cold or something. His boots crunched leaves under them, as he walked through the forest keeping him from the lake.

He was glad that Josh wasn’t there yet. He had to work up the nerve to talk to him. He paced in front of the lake for a couple minutes before he heard Josh walking up.

“Hey Ty-”

“We knew each other.”

Josh paused, looking confused and slightly nervous. “Huh…?”

“You and I were friends. For years it seems- why do I not remember that?”

Josh looked away, obviously nervous now. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “... I don’t know.”

"Why didn't you _tell_ me we knew each other??"

Tyler could taste betrayal, and it was the familiar lead taste that makes him sick. Where did the antifreeze go? This death didn't feel good at all.

He _despised_ Josh right now. He couldn’t even feel the love he had before.

He hated this. But he loved it too. This was real. He was real.

Tyler and Josh’s fight was _real_ and Tyler was **alive**.

"Because I didn't know how you'd react. You're obviously not reacting well now..." Josh's voice dipped low, just like his head, and Tyler couldn't help but get... Even angrier?

"Look at me!"

Josh tipped his head up, hair blue and tasting like chlorine, but it didn't feel good this time.

"What happened."

Josh opened and closed his mouth, hesitating, and Tyler stamped his foot.

"What happened?! Why did I forget you, why does everyone think you’re dangerous, what!! Happened!!!"

Tyler was screaming, but he didn’t care.

"H-Hhhh... You almost drowned Tyler, it was..." Josh averted his eyes.

"I almost drowned? That can't be it."

"They held you under the water, I..."

Tyler looked like a fish out of water now. His eyes bulged out of his head almost, mouth opening and closing. "Who-?!”

"Ngh- Tyler please..."

"JOSHUA WILLIAM DUN YOU ANSWER ME!"

Lead, and chlorine, and sick, and-

"Tim, AJ, Jared, and Eric. We- we were friends before. But you remember, I’m _not_ friends with them now. You were… part of the group, I didn’t know they treated you like that and I didn’t know they’d try to **kill** you. I promise!"

Tyler gave a soft gasp and stumbled back. The taste was so strong, he worried he might vomit.

" _I didn't know_. They tried to drown me too when they realized I wasn't going to help them. I'd never hurt you. Your mother doesn't believe me but I would never. No one believes me..." Josh’s voice cracked.

“Please Tyler, I come from a bad background, I _know_ , but you have to trust me, I would never, ever hurt you.”

Tyler couldn’t breathe.

“You taste like chlorine.”

Josh paused, swallowing. “... what?”

“You always have, since the moment we- well, not when we met huh? Since the moment you came up to me, at the pool, your name tasted like chlorine. You taste like-” Tyler’s voice trembled and cracked, dying away.

“... Tyler, that night was a mess. No one knew what was going on and four people all said it was, so they just blamed _me_. I know whatever I say is going to sound like a lie but I’ve been thinking about…” Josh gave a shaky breath, bottom lip finding its way under his top teeth.

“How do you expect me to believe you when your name tastes like that night…”

Josh didn’t respond.

He had nothing he could say.

Tyler looked to the ground, before stamping his foot. “I trusted you. I didn’t understand why no one else did. You didn’t even **_tell_ **me we KNEW each other! Why... “

Tyler let out a sob, covering his face.

“... I promise, I would never, ever hurt you.”

Tyler shook his head. “You already did. You’re poisoning me.”

Josh didn’t respond. Not even when Tyler turned and started walking back home.

Tyler could hear him give a yell and throw something in the water, but he didn’t turn back.

There was no point.

* * *

 

Tyler hadn’t left his room in over a week. His mother couldn’t get him out, and neither could his siblings. He felt sick all the time. It wasn’t until he had seen his music book fall from his desk that he realized he needed to stop this.

Josh wasn’t here to give him any creative push. Josh was- no. Josh was chlorine and lead and poison and he needed to stop thinking about him.

Tyler decided he should go out for a walk. He really needed some fresh air- and a shower. But fresh air first.

Tyler put his shoes on, throwing on his coat and stepping out the house with a silent, flippant wave in his brother’s direction.

Tyler had nowhere to go. He didn’t want to head to the park in fear that Josh was there, so he decided to head to the mall.

Tyler hadn’t really gone to the mall in what felt like forever. He didn’t like to go out much, unless you counted with Josh- and even then, they usually went to the woods, park, or lake.

Tyler sighed when he realized his thoughts had wandered to Josh yet again. This was getting ridiculous.

Tyler watched his feet as he walked, carefully evading leaves and cracks in the sidewalk. Maybe this was a game to distract himself from his thoughts. Tyler hopped a bit to avoid a crack, humming gently.

“ _I’m trying, I’m trying to sleep…_ ”

“Tyler?”

Tyler flinched when he heard a familiar voice in front of him, looking up to see…

Jared…?

Jared Rigsby looked… lost. He stared at Tyler, before averting his eyes. “It’s been a long time…”

Tyler felt uneasy around Jared, but something in him told him that speaking to the other wouldn’t be so bad. It might even be good.

“Yeah, it has.”

Jared fidgeted with his jacket sleeve. “Um… What have you been up to?”

“... I met… Well I saw Josh Dun but turns out, even though I didn’t remember him, he was my friend or something… He didn’t tell me though…”

Jared was pale when Tyler looked back up at him, causing the tall teenager to feel worry swell up. “Uh- what’s wrong?”

“... you don’t remember anything still?” Jared asked, voice slightly pinched.

“No… I have nightmares sometimes and Josh said AJ, Tim, Eric, and…” Tyler’s voice died. “... and… you, tried to…”

“Tyler, I need to tell you something.”

Tyler took a small step back as Jared rubbed his hands together.

“... You were… hanging out with Josh all the time… He wasn’t even really our friend, he was a bandaid while we waited for my brother to come back from college. But you were always there and Tim… Hhhh… They wanted to hurt Josh, and you were in the way so they decided hurting you would hurt Josh the most.”

Tyler’s eyes were wide as he listened to Jared, trembling mildly.

“... We tried to drown you, and when that didn’t work, everyone blamed Josh. To the police, to anyone who would listen, all four of us swore up and down that Josh tried to murder you. He wasn’t a good kid either, so no one batted an eye.” Jared hesitated. “... except… He was a good kid, he just sometimes stole food and got in trouble at school, but he would never hurt a fly. His parents ruined half of his life and we ruined the other half and he deserved none of it…”

Tyler covered his mouth as he listened to Jared say everything he’d been keeping in since that day, watching as tears slid down this boy’s face, this boy that ruined someone’s life and tore them to pieces and…

Tyler looked down at his wrist, chewing on his lip. “... Jared, do you want me to walk you home?”

Jared’s eyes widened drastically. “Really…? I- Colin and I are in town for a bit, do you… well I don’t expect you to remember where my house is…”

Tyler hesitated before reaching a hand out for Jared’s hand.

“I don’t, but… Maybe you can help me remember things?”

Jared blinked, before smiling at Tyler a little. He nodded.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

* * *

 

It was around 1:30 am when Tyler finally left Jared’s house, and he was panicking all over again.

It was so cold out, so so cold, but he needed to find Josh. The other couldn’t continue to be blamed for something he didn’t fucking do, and Tyler couldn’t let Josh think that he hated him any longer, not when it was so far from the truth.

_It was Tyler’s birthday god damn it, and he wasn’t going to spend it without Josh._

He just had to find the other.

Tyler ran so fast that he was sure if he tripped and fell he would break something. He remembered doing this the winter before last, with Josh (and Tim and AJ and Jared and Eric and oh god the memory was so painful). But he remembered crashing into Josh and smiling down at his boyfriend and it was all okay.

He wanted to crash into Josh now.

Tyler’s feet slammed hard into the snowy ground as Tyler rushed through the shortcut he remembered to Josh’s house, before he nearly tripped backpedalling at the sight of bright red in the snow.

His first thought was Josh had changed his hair back to Tyler’s favorite.

His second thought was Oh fuck, Josh.

Tyler could see an old wife beater and a pair of black shorts, dropping quickly at Josh’s side. “J-Josh?! What are you doing out here?!”

Josh’s eyelashes had snow caught in them, and his lips were blue. Tyler’s heart couldn’t stop sinking.

Tyler was sure it would fall out of his body soon.

“Josh?? Josh?!”

The ruby haired boy in his arms stirred, eyes fluttering open a bit. “Tyler…?” He asked, voice weak.

“Oh god. What happened, what- why are you out here?!”

“... Trouble… dad… threw out… locked…” Josh mumbled, before he looked confused at Tyler. “Why are you…”

“Ngh, okay okay. I got you, I'm going to carry you out and-”

Tyler quickly pulled out his phone and dialed 911, explaining the situation. He was obviously panicked, taking his jacket off and putting it around Josh. He didn’t care when Josh tried to complain, just picking him up and running with him.

Josh trembled as he gripped Tyler’s shirt weakly.

“Josh- Josh I forgive you. Oh god, you did nothing wrong, I know why you didn’t say anything. You were protecting me, you were trying to make sure we could hang out together, I’m so sorry for blaming you! I’m so sorry I forgot you. This was just a test, and we passed and we’ll be together now and everything will be okay. You’re safe, I’ve got you!”

Josh opened and closed his mouth, noises escaping him.

Tyler shook his head. “Don’t try and speak, you- you’ll be able to tell me later. It’s okay.”

Tyler continued to run, screeching and yelling for the ambulance’s attention when he saw it.

He looked down at Josh to tell him that the ambulance was there, but he was passed out.

Tyler trembled, fear gripping his stomach before he quickly gave the ruby boy to the EMTs.

Tyler scrambled into the ambulance, thankful they weren’t making him walk in the snow in that cold. He shivered, watching Josh quickly get set up.

They checked his vitals, his temperature, this situation was so medical and Tyler didn’t understand any of it.

Tyler stared at the boy in front of him, eyes wide as he waited for Josh to wake up.

Tyler needed him to wake up.

“Hey, Josh, Josh, you’re a red carnation. My rebel red carnation. I’m here, you have to be here too.” Tyler’s breathing hitched. “You and I are invincible. So you have to be okay. You will be okay.” He reached up to shakily try and play with Josh’s hair, hand trembling.

“You’re my home.” Tyler whimpered. “You’re my- You’re- You’re supposed to grow, so you can’t- you can’t leave me. You can’t. You have to-”

He was cut off by a long continuous beep, eyes going wide.

Tyler didn’t remember much after that, just the sound of his own screams.

* * *

 

”Why did he even live with his parents?”

Tyler wasn’t sure why that was his question, but he wanted it answered. He had his knees pressed tightly against his chest, teeth gritting. His 18th birthday (all birthdays in general now) was tainted with the death of his soulmate. And yes, he would always see Josh as his soulmate.

They were perfect for each other. The matching pair was gone. He was just… a lonely sock now. Sure he could be paired with any other sock and it would be fine. But it would never be the same.

“Josh… He had to stay in town to be… Watched. His parents obviously practically dumped him on us. Which is good, considering…” Tyler’s mother started.

“Bad considering. You never trusted him. And then this happened.” Tyler’s tone was bitter, accusatory, and his mother flinched.

Good.

“... Right… No one would hire him. Everyone knew about what he-... What he didn't do.”

Tyler nodded. “It was Tim, AJ, Eric, and Jared.”

“Yeah.”

The car was silent again. Tyler looked out the window, twitching at the sight of snow.

Tyler hadn't cried since Josh died. It had been a week and a half now- Tyler had worked to get a funeral, a good one, not the cheap one Josh’s father had tried to do.

Tyler’s father had talked with Josh’s, and they ended up arranging a good funeral.

Tyler had absolutely no faith in Josh's dad. He knew what Josh told him. He wanted to tell the police, but he wasn't sure they'd believe him.

Especially since Josh was the “bad kid” and his parents were “wonderful people doing the best they could”.  

Part of Tyler wondered if he even heard Josh right.

Tyler had sat down next to his mother, trembling softly. He couldn’t breathe well these days. Everything hurt. But he couldn’t cry.

Tyler flinched when he heard Josh’s dad’s voice again, tasting lead as always. He didn’t trust William Dun at all.

He didn’t deserve to be called Josh’s dad.

He looked over to the man, who was talking to his wife about Josh.

“Laura, it was his own fault. I told him to stop talking about Tyler and he wouldn’t listen. He would be alive if he had just listened.”

“I know… I know but… Why did you put him outside, you could have done something else…”

Tyler saw red.

The teenager stood up and marched the two steps it took to be next to them, thanked his amazing hearing, and punched William Dun straight in the face.

Tyler started sobbing and wailing when his mother grabbed onto him, not caring when others started to burst into confused and angry words.

“YOU KILLED HIM! YOU KILLED HIM! HOW COULD YOU?! HE WAS YOUR SON, HE WAS MY SOULMATE, YOU KILLED HIM!!”

Tyler screeched and sobbed, as his mother held him tight against her and tried to calm him down.

He didn’t care when people came trying to get her to take him out of the room, just sobbing loudly.

He turned to the casket, thankful that his mother turned with him.

The other people had given up on getting him out when his mother gave them looks, letting Tyler sob himself out.

Exhausted noises escaped the teenager, before whimpered words finally escaped him.

“Oh god Joshie, oh god this was never fair, this wasn’t, but I’ll live for you- I promise Joshie, I’ll get him in jail and then I’ll live for you.”

Tyler’s eyes shut, and he felt his mother pull him back onto the seats. He curled up in her lap and sobbed until the world was black.

Josh Dun was dead.

Tyler Joseph was alive.

He hoped he could build his house with these broken pieces.

Tyler needed to grow, not decay.

**Author's Note:**

> To clarify why Josh and Tyler were in sync about the songs and stuff, my soul mate and I are also 80% in sync, and usually have the same colors or tastes for things. We even help each other out on placing exactly what the taste is.
> 
> So yeah!
> 
> I might write a sequel to this which would basically just be the entire story with the same events but from Josh's perspective. Then you can see why he died.
> 
> I'll give you what I wrote down about his death;
> 
> "Josh has to live with his abusive parents still even though he's 19 because of like  
> He's stuck to the town from Tyler almost drowning and can't get a job because no one trusts him  
> He starts talking about Tyler because it's his birthday and he breaks down because it's still ruined  
> His dad starts yelling at him but Josh has had enough that day and starts yelling back  
> It's warm in the house because his mom has the heater up so high, so Josh was just wearing a wife beater and shorts but it's so cold outside and the snow is like 10 inches deep  
> The dad gets annoyed and throws Josh outside, and Josh starts screaming that it's freezing but his dad won't answer anymore  
> If he had Tyler and they weren't fighting, he would have gone immediately there, but right now he's sitting outside at 1 am in the freezing cold with barely anything on  
> He starts walking to try and find somewhere warm but  
> Well "
> 
> Anyways yeah, I hope you liked it! I worked really hard on it!


End file.
